my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
