I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
