After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are we still banned from the library?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
tell me about the fingering
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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