the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize