Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
