So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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