PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My vagina just clenched in fear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
