her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
