ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
