it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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