If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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