Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
