he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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