i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
