So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
