there's paper in my vomit.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
