i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
