She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
