i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize