Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
