i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
