i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you.
Bad choice
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