shes about as inviting as chlamydia
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
