I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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