all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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