I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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