I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
3 2 1 whiskey
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
