I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize