he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
