I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize