Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
