Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
