I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
