so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize