You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
