the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
