i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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