you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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