I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
