I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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