he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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