i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
