Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
