what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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