This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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