Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
