I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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