Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
