Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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