im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
