put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize