I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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