we have officially lost it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
