I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
