i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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