Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
