I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
