Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
