You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
