Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
