fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
