Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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