so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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