Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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