She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
