Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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