and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
