You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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