she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
