you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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