I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
