Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
