The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
