So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
